I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
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I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
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you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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