Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize