i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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