Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
my liver is dry heaving
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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