I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
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No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
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It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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