I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize