I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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