highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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