My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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