So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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