How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
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He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
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I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
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