In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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