I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
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Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
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I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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