Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize