I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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