I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize