Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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