You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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