If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize