I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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