people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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