I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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