Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
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He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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