Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
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I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
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My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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