Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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