Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
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You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
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