Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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