I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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