i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I love having hate sex.
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This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
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Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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