How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize