I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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