I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
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