idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
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Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
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Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize