Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize