I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
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Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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