that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
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Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
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I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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