If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
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I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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