There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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