You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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