I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
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I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
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There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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