Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize