Your face is a jimmy john
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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