I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
