chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
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im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
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I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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