So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You dont lie about slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize