I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize