Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Couch. On fire.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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