You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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