i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
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It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
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I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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