just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
