the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
