Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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